A friend of mine sent me an amazing article which first appeared in Forbes. It describes an American banker’s ordeal of being trapped in The Taj Hotel during the Mumbai terrorist attacks. Please do read it here. You won’t regret the three minutes.
Out for a simple dinner with friends, and then….there was a time when I was paralyzed by the fear of random, sudden disaster. How could I plan for anything in my life when you never knew if a brick might fall on your head just around the next corner? I have moved on since then, but this new surprising disruption that is looming before me (ie the operation), and the article above, have brought the question back. How can we plan? Do we dare plan? Perhaps, do we even “dare to eat a peach”?
As it turns out, my operation won’t be until next Monday, the 8th. The good news is that it, therefore, makes everything seem much less dramatic and much less of an emergency. It, of course, also gives me time to drive myself crazy. To guard against the lurking nuttiness, I have been making contingency plans. If they find A, then we’ll do B. If they do “it” via C, then we should plan for D. But when I outline these plans to my husband his response is always, “let’s wait and see.” Very unlawyerly of him. Right now his approach is to handle situations as they arise and not waste energy on double guessing before the facts are in. That makes perfect sense, but I know I need to do the opposite. I need to have a framework of possible reactions, tempered by the understanding that I can be flexible and change direction at a moment’s notice. Last night over dinner, while explaining this all to him, I found myself saying that this, also, is the way I write novels. I have a plan, a plot-line in my head all mapped out. But if some character opens his mouth unexpectedly or turns left instead of right, I can change. I realize now that this “framework of possibilities” keeps me sane. Maybe I’m a control freak. But at least I can walk down the street knowing that if, perhaps, on the way to some restaurant to meet friends for dinner a brick does fall on my head, then we can rebook the table and go three months later.
What a heart wrenching article.
I tend to plan ‘loosely’ as sod’s law always has a way of scuppering the best laid plans:-)
Goodness me, what an utterly terrifying account.
Husband and I do the opposite. I research, read and plan obsessively, and he wanders in uninformed but relaxed. He thinks well on his feet and considers his options when he has the full picture. I guess we complement each other.
My dad has a saying: Don’t cry ’til you’re hit. Good advice if you can do it. If A is ‘worst scenario’, you’ll have to deal with it when it comes anyway and it’s simply not possible to know how you will feel.
If B is ‘best scenario’, you will have wasted energy worrying about A. etc etc for C and D.
Will be thinking of you and hoping hard for B.
I am just like you, the need to discuss and plan in minute detail is overwhelming. Good luck for next week, I’ll be thinking of you and hoping you only get to resort to plan ‘0’, you know, the one where you go home and drink a champagne toast to your very ehalthy and care free future. xo
Did you receive my Master’s eamil this week, Sue? Only it was very heartfelt and honest.
Tom
Did you get my email this week, Sue? You know you can always talk to someone who has been through a very similar operation, if you feel the need to.
Tom
Sue so sorry to hear about the op and all the associated stress. Honestly, the best thing you can do is to simply live in the moment, take each thing as it comes and know that nothing happens without a reason. Trying to plan or plot out what may or may not happen just adds to the burden. Just try to be. One step at a time. Sending you hugs and good wishes and lots of strength. xxx
Ooooh I do exactly the same Sue. I like to have a rough idea of what I’m going to do but am very flexible at changing it at the last minute….Chris….well….he just takes everything in his stride!!
I don’t know when you will get this but Good Luck for today. We’ll all be thinking of you
C x
I’m thinking of you, Sue. Hope you’re doing okay.
I know you won’t be checking this for a while but I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts and I hope all is well.
C x