I’ve been thinking quite a lot about what to write in this, my first post of the decade. I tend not to use the arrival of a new year for resolutions. Rather, it offers me a chance to think about what is working in my life and what isnt. Like all of us, my life is a series of juggling acts and every year seems to bring a new set of circumstances within which all this juggling needs to take place. Often, these circumstances are dictated by the changing needs of children. Sometimes health struggles come into play. This year finds me with more time for myself than ever, and surprisingly, that also raises new questions namely, how to fill that time, how productive do I want to be, how much of that time do I want to devote to work, and, as I get older, how much “downtime” do I really need?
One of the variables in all this now more and more seems to be the internet. As we all know, we could spend 25 hours a day on the net between our blogs, facebook, twitter, LinkedIn, Red Room etc etc. For those of us with books to sell, much of this is a necessity. But lots of it is fun as well, and I know that one of the great pleasures of the last year has for me been the friendships and sense of community I have developed via this metal box that’s sitting on my lap even now. Two of my friends, Tania and Elizabeth, have talked on their recent blogposts quite convincingly about limiting their internet time. They have each decided that the internet needs to be off limits for a major part of each day so they can do what they need to do most, write. I have tried to do the same thing. I do a quick check of my emails and blogs over breakfast, plug in a twitter/facebook status, and then try to get on with my life. Sometimes this works, and I plan to continue to try. But there are many times when this doesn’t work and my resolve falls away. Tania and Elizabeth’s blogs have led me to think about why that happens. What I’ve discovered is I’m not that much of grown-up, after all.
When I go onto Twitter and see conversations taking place between people I know, when I see a list of status comments on facebook that I’ve missed, when I see 27 comments that others have posted even before I’ve gotten a chance to read a friend’s blog, I feel catapulted back into my insecure adolescent self. The party is going on and I missed it. Or even worse, I wasn’t invited. That frightened part of me still lingers that tells me if I don’t remind people that I exist, then I’ll be forgotten. Some might argue that this is why I write in the first place. But I know that the time I spend on the internet decreases my sense of isolation, while admittedly nurturing the immutable teenager in me. So what’s the answer?
Baby steps, one step in front of the other, keep on keeping on, deep breaths, trust and faith. Maybe that’s a new year’s resolution, after all.
thanks to xbox.com for the photo
I so know what you mean…I too am trying to find the right balance so I will think of you as I struggle with it. Good luck.
lx
Yes, I’m going to come back to this blog, even copy and paste it. there’s a great deal of sense here. Too easy to waste time on the internet pretending you’re working.
But I liked the start of the blog, re: resolutions, I don’t either, but think carefully about what works and what doesn’t. Good stuff.
Oh Sue I wish so much you hadn’t written this and I hadn’t read it. I really want to be better about email,FB and blogs but I also don’t want to miss out. Now you’ve given me an out that I really shouldn’t use.
You are so right that it limits the isolation. Since my writing partner and I broke up last year, I’ve been more isolated than ever, missing that relationship. But I really must find a better balance.
Hmm, yes, I understand your feelings here. I have them too.
Trust and faith are two of my most needed words – have the other one too – it’s courage… Does that help? For me, those words are a year round resolution.
Jjx
I love this post. That’s it exactly.
I need to pare it down too. And also stop feeling guilty if I don’t get round to comment on blogs.
I suppose it’s all ebbs and flows – time out when we need to get our heads down and dip in when we need some interaction.
Balance. Yes, balance.
I think the psychology of the Twitter/Facebook world and other inventions plays on people’s natural wish to be liked, and other insecurities.
The whole terminology… how many ‘friends’ do you have, and how often do they talk to you… is utterly meaningless.
A ‘friend’ is someone who will down tools to support when there is a slightly odd fundraiser going on…with whom I can have a wonderful conversation over a glass or three of good wine, who shares the ups and downs of the writing world.
I’ve had almost a week of NO INTERNET at all until 6 pm. I have written, walked, spent time with my son, husband, I have tidied the study, read two whole books and I’m on to the third… and its 4th Jan….
But I havent nattered about it, because I will look such a twit if I dont manage to keep it up! So far, I only think about switching on if I am between tasks … and I havent cos I know it will be HOURS before I switch off again.
Lauri says ‘I dont want to miss out’. You won’t. It is all accessable in a couple of intense hours. And the rubbish filters itself away.
I can still run my blog tour. I can still write good answers to questions, and ‘sell’ my books. I can still field emails, and reply to the ones that need it.
And I can write, in the rest of the time don’t waste pretending to be a writer.
I just found your blog via Lauri in Botswana. I can completely relate to what you said about the Internet and since I’ve decided to let my manuscript rest for a month before my final revision, I feel even more guilt about spending too much time there. The “popularity” thing does make me sick and I wonder why we fall into that trap. It does seem childish.
Liz:and good luck to you…
Glyn: Thanks. It seems this post hit a nerve with lots of people.
Lauri: Ah, balance. The eternal quest…
JJ: Courage! Absolutely right. And as I start looking for an agent, I need it more than ever.
Lane: well, between you, me and Laurie, that’s a 3-legged stool (for better balance, get it?) Ugh
Vanessa: Thanks, pal. You, as always, are an inspiration.
Gutsy: Welcome. Thanks for dropping by and leaving a comment!
I was going to agree with everything you say, but then I noticed ‘Red Room’ – something I’ve not come across before – and I’m off again. Social media here we come… (Only joking, btw!)