In just a few days, Barack Obama will be sworn in as the next President of the United States. Well, you didn’t need me to tell you that. And you also don’t need me to tell you about the high hopes we all have for his administration. He has already made several appointments that have been dissected by his constituents and the world-wide press. But there is one appointment (of sorts) that I particularly want to praise.
Last week it was announced that Michelle Obama’s mother, Marian Robinson, would be moving into the White House on a trial run to see if she can help with the rearing of the young Obama girls. In one interview, Michelle explained that she knew her role as First lady would require a tremendous amount of time and energy, regardless of how she eventually defines that role. But her first responsibility is to her daughters and she knew that if neither she nor her husband could be available to handle the daily minutiae of parenting, the next best option was the children’s grandmother.
I was very lucky. Although I never lived in the same house as my grandparents, they were always nearby. I saw them weekly. They stayed with me and my sisters when my parents were away. My grandmothers were my role models and my sounding boards as I navigated the choppy waters of my adolescence. More than anything else, my grandparents were my living proof that I was not alone, I existed within an historical framework. All that I learned, wondered at and experienced was seen within this perspective of time moving backwards before me and therefore, inevitably, moving forwards after me. This inter-generational connection helped form me, and although all my grandparents are now long gone, I still hear their voices in my ears, feel their presence and listen to their advice.
I have tried to provide the same experience for my own children, despite the fact that I moved them thousands of miles away. Again, I have been lucky. Amongst us, we have had the disposable income and, more significantly, the good health to allow us all to be together despite the distance and time. And when it was impossible to be together, there has been the telephone and now, email and even Facebook (much to my children’s occasional embarrassment).
I believe that it is this interaction between generations, this feeling of comfort with our elders, that allows us to become fully ourselves. I believe it is grandparents, sometimes even more than parents, that teach us the meaning of unconditional love. By growing up with their wisdom, requested or not, accepted or not, we learn to respect perspectives different from our own. We gain perspective, respect and, with any luck, tolerance. The Conservative Right in America talks a lot about family values. Their talk, combined with their own intransigence and occasional hypocrisy, has given the idea a bad name. If the Obamas can make a step towards reinstating the meaning and importance of the value of family, then that alone will be a significant achievement.
Next week the eyes of the world will be upon Barack. I for one want to go into that week also recognizing Michelle for her dedication to her children, her respect for her mother and her understanding of the crucial role she can play in the lives of her granddaughters. I also want to recognize Marian Robinson herself, a woman with her own active life, a woman with her own responsibilities and identity. Up until very recently, she was working and even running the 100-yard dash in Illinois’ Senior Olympics. She was not an old lady in a rocking chair sitting around waiting to be called. And yet now she is setting that life off to one side and moving to a new home. Decades ago, John Kennedy challenged us all saying, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.” I applaud Marian Robinson for realizing that the most important thing she can do for her country, right here and right now, is to help her grandchildren develop into the thoughtful, respectful, caring adults they surely can be.
I hadn’t seen that news.
You are so right about the role of grandparents. I’m delighted at the involvement of my parents in my children’s lives – even now that we’re 6,000 miles away. I remember my relationship with both grandmothers as being incredibly special.
I agree there is a special bond between child and grandparents. That generation leap provides space for listening and sharing without the presumed irritation of parental control.
A lovely, thoughtful post, Sue.
As an only child, I tended to be with older adults quite a lot and it’s the time I spent with my maternal grandmother that I’m most grateful for.
Both my grandmothers were dead when I was born, and the grandfathers were distant people, one too revered and self-revering to make any overtures to a child, the other dark-bearded and blind and a bit scary, though he tried to be affectionate. So I didn’t have the experience you speak of, although my children did when they were growing up. I just spoke to my older grandson – he’s almost 11 – on the phone today. It felt great to me, and he seemed to enjoy it, too. But sadly we’re so scattered across the globe. Well, anyway, Sue, I’m just trying to say you wrote a moving little essay. I hope you’re recovering well, too.
Sue, a beautiful blog post. I hadn’t heard this either. My grandmother basically raised us, as both parents were working, she was the one waiting for us when we came home from school. I love what you say, that “my grandparents were my living proof that I was not alone, I existed within an historical framework. ” I hadn’t thought of it that way. My other grandmother, with whom I am not that close, is about to turn 100, which really does put things in an amazing historical framework! Good luck to all three Obama/Robinson generations.
Sue, grandmothers are so special. My paternal grandmother died when I was a child – and, unfortunately, my maternal grandmother lived far away so I only saw her once or twice a year. I wish I’d been able to spend more time with both of them growing up.
I’ve not had a chance to catch up with everyone’s blogs yet (arrived in Swindon last night!!) but a little bird told me that you were travelling to DJ’s book launch from London on your own. I’m going along with my best mate and we will be going from London by train if you want to meet up with us and travel together (If you have already made plans then don’t worry…we’ll see you there)
C x
What wonderful comments everyone. Thanks!
Carol: I answered you on facebook. Hope you got it.